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in 2005.... a toast to the new year.

in two thousand and five i learned what it was to fall & more than once; only to get back up & try again.
i learned the meaning of true beauty & i learned the true meaning of ugly.
i found who my true friends were& i learned i can only depend on myself.
i learned what it was to be "sick" and suffer from depression & i learned what it is to take care of my health.
i built a wall so big no one could enter & pushed away the ones i love doing so.
i was blinded by evil & i still confide in God.
i learned the meaning of being poor & i learned what it was to not be able to eat & i learned what it was like to be miles from home and have nothing & what it was to keep on going & if you hold on long enough then you will make it.
i learned what it was to be taken advantage of & i learned what it is to be used.
i have loved & i have felt hate. hate from the ones i confided in and in return they stabbed me in the back with a 1000 knives.
i learned i shouldnt trust so easily but after trusting so easily & to be torn apart & harassed.
i learned you cannot live with friends & that next time i should live with a complete stranger.
i have built new friendships & others have been destroyed.
i learned i should have listened to everyone years ago when they told me she was a kniving little bitch.
but i failed to see it & i kept trusting her with everything i had & every little secret.
i was a mother of one which soon became two & then back to one.
i have lost ones who were dear to me & tried to hide that broken smile with an untrue smile.
ive come a long ways in life but only after running from what i feared & now im not scared anymore.
i have developed insomnia & hate laying in bed at night for hours thinking & fretting about failing again the next day.
i moved far away from this place & i moved again; only to come back to what it is i dread ( this town).
i have stumbled upon long lost friends, old classmates, & old aquantances.
ive learned som have changed for the best & some have changed for the worst & some will just never change.
usually the ones you wish would grow up & stop acting so stupid.
ive stumbled upon my long lost love after two years when i ran from him because i was too scared of being hurt & have learned to love again.
i learned of how this world is ugly in so many ways & have found little beauty far & between.
i have met some really cool people & i have seen some really ugly people; that not being by looks but their soul or innerselves.
i learned of more beauty behind music & i have started writing more & love to write once again.
i have developed a love for words & love being different.
i have fought with my thoughts of self esteem & i have suffered from a lot of horrifying things & i still cant let go of her & everytime i go back to that small town i break down crying while im drinking & have to leave because i cant handle it & everyone around me reminds me of her.
i learned what it is to truly be alone & to stare at the same walls over&over again & feel secluded from civilization.
i have shared a lot of great conversations & spent time with people in life & shared memories i will never forget.
i once found a place i felt i fit in & suddenly that was taken from me too.
i have learned a lot & i have learned a little.
i have loved & i have been broken.
i have made progress in life but for every step i took forward.. sometimes ended up taking me two or three steps back.
i have fallen & i have gotten back up.
i have learned how much more family is important & i have heard a scared mothers voice & heard the hatred she had towards that girl for what she has done.
i have gained a lot & i have lost alot.
i have learned i still love acting like a child & running around dancing in the streets & acting like a huge dork & doing stupid things that others that are no fun would dream of doing.
i have learned to love again & i hope the new year is better than the last & a lot like the year before the last.
i hope i learn more this year & become even stronger than i am & i build more friendships or mend old bridges with old friends that i just lost contact with.
this year has been full of rocks in the roads & not much this year has been easy at all; i just keep on keeping on & will make it some how or some way i always do.

♥ to all; may your new year be great and filled with fun and happiness

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